How a Common Misperception Almost Lost Me My Uncommon Friend


I was recently misperceived by my best guy friend who saw my extensive amount of time spent with him as an indication that I had greater feelings for him. Despite his knowledge of my current relationship, he took every kindhearted gesture I made as a friend in a flirtatious way. In my mind guys and girls can be friends because friendship is based on internal connections and quality of time spent together; not gender. I did not see a need to restrict my personality or actions around him due to society’s gender boundaries. He, however, follows those boundaries.

At first, I was going to handle the situation by not handling it at all. I sent him a text saying that I felt as though I had lost who I was working towards becoming and needed some time to disconnect socially in order to reconnect internally. This was my own way of saying I knew something was wrong, but did not know how to deal with it yet. He fired back with text after text explaining how he felt. His eight paragraph-long texts shocked me into realizing that I actually needed to talk to him.

Once I gathered the courage to respond, I made sure to be explicit with my feelings and intentions since a lack in clarity seemed to be what caused the issue. We ended up not speaking to each other for a week and it was one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time. It drove me absolutely crazy.

When I finally reached a point where I had to talk to someone, I asked to talk to him. While talking to him now may mean staring over completely, at least I will have him as some part of my life again.

I still do not understand why friends of the opposite sex always tend to deem a good relationship as a potential romantic one, but I understand now more than ever that I value his friendship and will always fight for it.